I am a Christmas paradox. I love it so much that I almost manage to ruin it for myself with the self imposed pressure for perfection (and sometimes those around me whom I force my CHRISTMAS CHEER onto with no mercy). This year is no exception, in fact it holds more weight than most because it is my new baby’s first Christmas. Our first sentimental occasion as a family of four. A joyous full stop at the end of our family-making mission, because Christmas also holds extra emotional significance for those, like me, who may have seen more than their fair share of sadder ones.
We eventually had our two children through surrogacy, and throughout all our years of trying and failing, Christmas tended to represent a fairy-lit conclusion of yet another year we didn’t get to spend with the child we had dreamed of spending it with. It was an accumulative time stamp, a full stop on our failure.
My preoccupation with beating Christmas sorrow turned into overcompensation, the desperate quest foto reclaim festive joy, and I know I am not the only one. ‘Christmas Overwhelm’ is a well used phrase by now, and it very accurately describes the extra-ness of the occasion. The extra socialising, extra indulging, extra calendar-keeping and gift-buying and tradition-making and decorating, eating, drinking, spending, list-making, practical thinking and and guess what. It didn’t stop when the longed for family came. Now Christmas is about making the magic happen for everyone else, with jingle bells on, and this year I started even before December did.
The result is somewhere between exaltation and exhaustion. My mum asked me what I’d like for Christmas this year and I realise I hadn’t made time or space to think about that. What I’d wanted for so long I finally have this year; a full family to share the twinkling loveliness with. I think I can already consider my Christmas re-claimed. But if we’re talking things, then yes, what I’d really like is a lie in, a quiet room with a cocktail and a tin of quality street, plus any of the below, thank you. If you’re feeling any degree of Christmas Overwhelm for any reason including but not restricted to the above, then this is a gift list for you, plus some things to get you through. I’m just going to leave this tab open in an inconspicuous place in case anyone should happen to be wondering…
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